The innovative, and groundbreaking, and innovative yacht design firm of RU4Real have today released plans for an entirely new generation of yacht. One which puts the needs, wants, desires, fantasies and complaints of crew first.
“The crew are the heart, brain, and bollocks of a yacht, let’s be honest.” Says lead designer Ian Jophais from his ultra sleek office high above the Eiffel tower somewhere. “The boat should really be all about them, because without them there would be a different crew, and without them a different crew again, and so on and allez. Tu es get the idea.” He says, slipping effortlessly between English and some other language.
The plans are nothing if not striking. While keeping with the yachting tradition of guest spaces aft, and crew accommodation forward, RU4Real have truncated the owner areas down to the minimum size necessary, and expanded crew facilities in their place. Essentially the yacht is all bow. “To the wow,” as Jophais puts it, smashing his third glass desk of the week with a skull paperweight made of solid pewter.
A 5-deck forward superstructure allows for such crew amenities as an indoor squash court, full gymnasium with yoga platform mounted on a gimbal for sessions underway, a sound studio, an Apple Store, and a theatre, as well as a sitting room and office in each crew cabin. Furthermore there are onboard childcare facilities for crewmember’s little ones, or locally adopted babies should there be none onboard.
“Vous gotta look after the crew.” Jophais explains as he walks The General Alarm through the plans, before interrupting to attend to his receptionist. When he returns 20 minutes later, after fixing her a rose petal tea and dashing out to get her flowers for her date that evening, he answers the question playing on the entire industry’s mind; what about the owners?
“The who? Ah oui, le ownair. This is not a problem. There is a small but functional swim platform, a perfectly adequate main saloon with a couch and a TV, and a small section of the sundeck reserved for the use of the guests, except when the crew want to play tennis, and then of course the partition is removed and the lounges stacked on the side. There is also a guest galley, where they can fix toasted sandwiches and help themselves to a very well-stocked bar at any time of day.” When it is pointed out that this seems to be very little for the expense of owning such a vessel he nods amiably. “I agree. I doubt they’ll come on all that often.”
He goes on to explain that while he hasn’t included plans for a guest tender per se, he and his design team are certain that the owner can catch a lift ashore with the crew who run a scheduled hourly shuttle in one of two state-of-the-art limo tenders, manned by dedicated teams of three deck crew, at least one of whom is always an A-list DJ. “But”, he adds, “The problem of getting to and from shore isn’t likely to come up very often.” When asked why, he seems taken aback that something so obvious has to be asked.
“Alors. The In-Ter-Net is a-shit at sea. This yacht will be connected to the dock entirely by fibre optic cables as thick as your thigh (no need for docklines) down which will stream internet so fast it will require a 24/7 fire-watch in case a cable starts to burn.”
The order book for M/Y CREWD AWAKENING (suggested name only, buyer can rebrand as desired) remains empty. Interested parties can contact IanJoPhais@RU4Real.fr for further information.