Signs You May Have Outgrown Yachting

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We grow, and while jobs can too, a career at sea can only stretch so far before it starts to feel a little tight around the neck. Feeling the chafe? Time to get a new shirt, maybe a v-neck, something off the shoulder or just anything other than this damned wooly turtleneck that feels like a really weak guy trying to strangle you all day*? Here are a few signs you may have outgrown working on the water:

1) You’ve started hitting your head on things you never used to, like your hand, or other people’s heads, or walls repeatedly.

2) You have no idea where your lifejacket is and you don’t give a shit.

3) On your CV you’ve had to stop listing some of the earliest boats you worked on because the crew agent said nine-page resumes aren’t cool – no matter how many sides you print on – and no one wants to hear about your years serving the Onassis family anyway.

4) You have more friends who have left yachting than you have friends currently in it.

5) In your time on boats you’ve been through the following phases: Party phase. Loved-up phase. Broken-up phase (party phase II). Job-ladder climbing phase. Nowhere-(appealing)-left-to-go phase. There’s only one phase left. Hint: It isn’t a repeat of any of the previous phases on a new boat. Hint #2: It isn’t on a boat.

6) You’re sick of Jaeger.

7) Your tone when replying to the question of, ‘what do you do?’, has moved from slightly-bewildered-but-super-stoked to being more in the key of ‘I work for the city’.

8) Your cabin mate tells you that you have started regularly speaking in your sleep, repeating the words ‘shadow-boat’ and ‘rotation’ continuously through the night.

9) You’ve reread this post.

*Credit to the late, great, Mitch Hedberg for that uncannily accurate assessment of what wearing a turtleneck feels like.

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