What Yacht Crew Most Hate To Hear

“Provisions are here.” At 8:00 AM. On a day off. When you got back to the boat at 7:00 AM. And lost your flip flops. And your sunglasses. And your dignity.

“My sister is getting married in July.” If you’re a captain. With a full charter schedule booked. And the person saying this is your chief stewardess.

“The boss is coming on Friday.” When you’re an engineer. In the middle of a busy yard period. And it’s Thursday.

“Are you sure about that?” If you’re a chief officer sitting your Master’s oral exam. And you think you’re sure. But you’re not sure. And if you don’t pass you won’t get the job. And everyone will laugh at you.

“12.” When you’re a stew, and that’s how many smoothies you’re being asked to make. And they’re all different. And you’re out of bananas.

“Is that a rock?” When you’re on watch. Going full chat. And your watch partner is pointing directly ahead. And it is rock.

“The tender isn’t there.” If you’re part of the deck crew. And the tender should be there.

“I fucking hate her.” When you accidentally overhear a conversation. And you’re her.

“What’s in this?” If you’re a chef. And you’ve just said what’s in it. To everyone. Individually. As they came in one by one for lunch.

“The rest of the provisions are here.” At 08:30 AM. On that same day off. When you just climbed back into your bunk. To die.

Feel free to put your own thing(s) you hate to hear in the comments. You don’t have to be a yachtie. We’re equal opportunity. 

15 thoughts on “What Yacht Crew Most Hate To Hear

  1. “Yes” When you’re the stewardess and you have just asked the guests of they want tea or coffee. And they all want double espressos and it’s already midnight…….

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  2. When captain informs you that yacht will be staying in port for the night or docking and all of a sudden owners decide to stay at anchor for two hole nights!!! Makes my teeth crunch!

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  3. A three day tour with the surveyor of Loyds insurance company who asks you as a superintendent chief engineer where you are going to buy replacement door handles for your 264 seat high speed cat when you are working the coast of West-Africa. It is similair to a three day driver license exam. ppfff.

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  4. I could add a gazillion more. Being the daughter of the Captain and Mom always made Dad take me from lux charters to our Commercial fishing boats to our “yaught club” from Alaska to Nova Scotia to S.America to the Bahamas, Caribean, to the BVI down the Drake Canal. Long island..Woodcleft Ave. Lots of yards down there and us kids who only knew the water. Grab the traps…tread for cherry stones dive for lobster…flounder…fluke…..blowfish. we were rarely supervised due to the ” home port bar” that kept Dads busy.
    Sand hole smolder sea weed . Bury and cook our spoils add a keg of beer.
    I was the perfect size wiggle down into the bilge for Spring cleaning. Then I got older…Dad didn’t want me around. Only because I was growing up and the crew was looking at me now a little differently.
    I have stories upon stories. I had the best youth ever. Barefoot ,hair flying on the beach. Itchy fiberglass, torn buckles bottom scraping. And one of our yaughts. I had my own pool and jacuzzi. Between charters anyway. Ok..what the crew doesn’t want to hear….the Captains daughter invited a “few” friends for the weekend.

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  5. “Is it going to be wet?” the owner asks to the mate driving the tender to shuttle her to the Kick Off Party of the Regatta which is dead upwind in 25kts in a wide open bay.

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  6. When the Primary Charter guest casually mentions during breakfast service that his cashmere sweater was taken to laundry 3 days ago and he’s ‘just wondering where it was’. And you have no idea but say it’s hanging dry. Then you’re in the laundry room frantically looking but don’t see it anywhere. However during your search, you do discover a discolored, infant sized, sweater looking thing wadded up under the sink where your sneaky bottle of wine is supposed to be. :/

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  7. when youre the chef and the boss is bringing an extra 8 people for dinner; so you do the polite thing and ask about any dietary requirements, “no, nothing.” So you’ve just spent all day in the galley making dinner for 14 and serve up the roast beef for main the boss has requested and one comes back to the galley politely informing she’s a vegetarian…

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  8. Pingback: What Yacht Crew Most Hate To Hear, Continued | The General Alarm

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