The situation: A guy browsing through Facebook at lunch break, fingers moving faster than they have all day. Job listing, drunk photo, friend caught a fish, drunk photo, job listing, it’s just another day being an international man of yachtery. When suddenly he finds a cheerful face smiling back up at him. It’s. A. Woman. She is looking for a job on boats, and has posted a profile shot with her aspirations and details.
He doesn’t know her, but is immediately attracted to her. How can he convey this adequately through the impersonal connection of FB, and on a professional post no less? There must be a way.
He tags a friend, a buddy, a pal. He gives the equivalent of an elbow at the bar to scope someone out with him. Except this elbow is his mate’s name written in bold under the object of his attraction’s face and he’s effectively shouting ‘look at ‘er!’ In the waiting room of a crew agent’s office. Nice one. But you aren’t done.
Back home maybe you’re known as what one might call a ‘lad.’ People say it all the time. ‘Oh that [name withheld], he’s a bit much sometimes isn’t he? Bit of a lad.’ And being a lad, whether you know when to stop or not isn’t the point, because you’re going to play through anyway.
So when your mate asks you to leave him alone with the random tagging on people’s posts looking for work, because this isn’t the place to be getting all ‘wudja have a butchers at this one,’ you don’t just drop it. No, not you. What you do is ask him if you can buy her. On her Facebook post.
That breaks one of life’s most underrated, but universally applicable rules: Don’t ask if you can buy people. Not ever. Not in private, not at a strip club, not in football club transfer negotiations, not at a charity auction, not as a joke, not in the hypothetical. Not ever. We can absolutely, beyond any doubt, tell you that if you never say those words again you will not be missing out. Just go ahead and strike a line through that one, you’ll get by just fine.
We know. You thought it would be funny, and that it wouldn’t matter. The brief version of the above: It wasn’t, and it does.
You know what’s lamer than being in a business that still has people’s photos on their CVs? Being in a business where some think it’s ok to ask if they can buy someone on a posted version of said photo. Lets at least make that the last of that.
This has been a Public Service Announcement from The General Alarm.