You Can’t Call Yourself A Sailor Unless You’ve Been To These 11 Places

If you’ve been to all of these places then you’re saltier than a bridge window on a rough passage with a hungover crew, and probably a national hero.

  1. To the deepest part of the bilge. The part where you find random pairs of crocs that date all the way back to the time when people had some self respect. Remember those days? Before moulded footwear? Who cares if rubber shoes minimize your chances of getting electrocuted, whats the point if they increase your chances of never finding a life companion? Let’s move on.
  2. To the top of the mast, and not just for a selfie. It doesn’t matter how high it is, leave your phone on deck. If you need it up there you should probably be using both hands for whatever crisis you’re dealing with anyway.
  3. The only chandlery in a country. What county doesn’t matter. If you’ve had to travel by burro for three days based on a map drawn on your hand by someone who may have thought you were looking for the embassy, you can check this box. If you found whatever crucial part or item you were looking for when you got there: skip the rest of this list as you are a liar and cannot be trusted.
  4. To the aft deck for a deep breath. Because you have been at sea for 16.72 days and if that one motherfucker uses that stupid nickname he’s started calling you another time you are going to turn him into a bag of compound fractures.
  5. The foredeck in a storm to secure a hatch that is the only thing standing between you and your crew-mates meeting for drinks 50 years from now, and having to say a hurried good-bye to everything you ever knew in less than half an hour.
  6. To the British Virgin Islands (sponsored content)
  7. Somewhere you had no interest in going and it took you for-fucking-ever to get there. (Somedays) that’s what sailing is all about.
  8. To a tattoo parlour, to commemorate your crazy ass adventures in permanent ink, but as small as possible on a tastefully discreet part of your body.
  9. Into head seas where the waves were higher than they were further apart, which made you feel sicker than you were angry at life.
  10. To the side deck for a chat with the captain. Not the nice kind either, about your winning ways, solid performance, and sober behaviour. No, the other chat, the one every sailor eventually gets, because you’re salty. And that goes with vinegar. And chips. Don’t over-think that one.
  11. Around the world, solo, non-stop. No, we haven’t done that either. What’s the point of a qualifying list if everyone passes?

Editors Note: Number 6 is a joke, in case that wasn’t clear. We have no sponsored content. 

5 thoughts on “You Can’t Call Yourself A Sailor Unless You’ve Been To These 11 Places

  1. all by the chandler thing. Had to pull in to Nairobi because the AFS was up in the Gulf and we hadn’t got hit in 45 days.

    Like

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